The Lives We've Lived

When I moved back to America in July 2019, I dated my boyfriend for about four months, and then we got engaged. The outside world-and many girls who had met him when I was gone - seemed, well, surprised. Which is...funny. It's funny because I know the years before that went into this story. I know the backstory. And I know 90% of the judgements made about us without that full knowledge, are wrong (I left 10% for y'all though).

This though, got me thinking about how many of us are living in situations that have more to the story than meets the eye. All of us probably.

A less funny and more frustrating example for me is coming back to somewhere I know, and feeling like I'm new.

In the course of less than two years my life has completed changed twice over. And I have been frustrated that I couldn't "get in the groove". I've felt stuck. Upset I'm not where I should be by now. Unsure of how to get there. I found myself asking why everything felt so different-but I was rarely taking time to look inward to see how much had changed. Sound familiar?

I am looking around, watching a lot of my peers struggle to get a hold on what they want from their life right now. I don't think this will change on its own. But I know this isn't it for us. We have to do something to put an end to this mental hamster wheel. And after months of real-time trial and error, I think I know a few things that can help.

Lets start at square one.

1. Give yourself grace for where you've been.

Please before you click off for this cliché line-hear. Me. Out. (And take it, because I'm not this nice in the rest of the post). You are not the same as you were this time last year. This is true for you even if you didn't move to Uganda and back. Part of releasing yourself from disillusionment is stating the facts: "I have gone through some serious life transitions really quickly. That can be a lot to take in." Or whatever is true for you.

For you that may look like a move, a transition of communities, losing friends, going from college to the real world, parents divorcing, a new job, a health scare, death, you fill in the blank. And even if the changes sound small, they impact our souls. We grieve the loss of seasons. We are gifted new ones we didn't anticipate. We become weary unknowingly when we don't take time to rest and reflect on how our worlds, relationships, and friendships impact us. You cannot power through to progress. Take inventory of what's impacting you. Nothing is too small.

2. Realize, you and God are the only one's who have been on the ride the whole time.

There are times I find myself becoming resentful at the people or organizations around me. I feel unseen by them, or like they don't believe in me enough to help me get to where I'm going.

But I am a beautifully intricate individual, and in 24 short years of life I feel like I've lived the hero's journey a few times over. Of course, they don't all get it.

Only a few know the me that crumbled in early 2018. Only a different few know the me that learned the way of African living and adapted. Only a different few held me in the night feeding me bananas when Malaria was taking me down. Only a different few knew me as table 16's favorite server in a little restaurant in Clarkesville, Ga. Only a different few know me as their copywriter. There are 1million mes, and no one really knows all of them.

I am the only one who has had a front seat to my entire life; therefore, I cannot expect those around me to bear the full weight of each of my life experiences. Even those who have been around for a lot of the story- aren't me! They haven't felt the wrestling in my soul God and I do daily, or fully understand how hard some things hit.

When we realize this, we can free them from the expectation to carry us into our callings.My dear friend, hear me when I say this: it is not up to them. It is not up to your pastor, your boyfriend, or your community to push, encourage, or make sure you do what you were made to do.

It is certainly nice when they help. But it's that, it's nice, it's a blessing, but it's not a perquisite for your obedience and commitment to what God has asked you to do.

We are a million souls of lifetimes trying to perceive one another through the lens of what we know.

Do not minimize the expectations you have for yourself to the expectations of man. Their scope is limited.

3. Throw off the weights

This is the big step here. The one where you can actually see yourself different.

The first point up there, that's for making sure you don't miss your own life. Learn from what God is trying to show you. Don't bustle through the whole thing unchanged. But there is a time in which we all simply have to take the weight of what has been and let it fall for the sake of what could be.

Hebrews 12:1 tells us to "throw off" everything that hinders us from the life God is calling us to. And while many of us may think its people pulling us down, it's really you.

Sometimes pain, fear and uncertainty become so familiar that once we've healed we become scavengers for more. Your anxiety about finances is just waiting for another opportunity to be stressed about money. You fear of marriage is on the edge of it's seat for when your boyfriend does something that reminds you of your parent's bad habits. You had a friend betray you? So you love accentuating any time a friend slips up.

You past hurt 100% validates the fear inside you. But is keeping it worth your breakthrough? I don't think it is. Most days, I have to remind myself not to pick up those weights again. But I do it, and you can.

Let's stop spinning in circles. With our hearts. With our careers. With our motivation. With our dreams. Let's commit. Let's grind it out. Let's understand that we are beautiful complex beings, who are capable of more. And let's all just agree, that each of us, is more explosively complex and dynamic than most will ever get a chance at perceiving. It's okay if they don't know the whole story-you do, and you're the one who has the power to make it worth it.