A note on transitions

People warned me of 1 million things that would be difficult about moving to from here to there. They told me it would be tough in Uganda. They told me it would be hard because the people back home wouldn't understand anything about my new life. They wouldn't get it and the lack of shared experience would leave a gap.

But I'm finding that it's equally hard because the people here don't understand home. They don't know about the civil war that happened there in my heart. They don't know it too in many ways is a post conflict zone for me. 

So here I am with two worlds understanding only themselves, and wanting desperately maybe for someone to reach across the divide and try to find me in the middle. 

I think a lot of people may get stuck here. It may be a smaller gap for you, but you left somewhere for whatever reason, only to find you're somewhere else that feels half right, half...who knows.

All those conversations of sureness are tested in these moments. "Did I really hear from God?" A little voice tries to convince you you really were running from the mess you didn't know how to clean up. 

But these are the tactics of the devil. Only you and Jesus know what's on the table, but his peace isn't refundable. He gives it and expects you to remember when it was sent, postmarked, and delivered to your doorstep. These are the moments we get to remember the gifts, these are the moments we get to live out that part of faith where it's not seen. 

Another tactic I've found my mind subconsciously employing is when it tries to convince me that everything about a given situation in my past was just down right bad. It tells me that I'm better off now. It tells me that he or she was never good for me and that that group or that organization wasn't it for me. 

And let me just say right now-shut that down. This mentality of total good or badness will rob you of appreciating any season of you life as soon as you leave it. Maturity is coming to terms with the fact that things aren't all good or all bad, but that good things to do happen without you. Incredible people keep being incredible even when you're not dating them. Those fun nights out with friends don't stop when you leave either. 

The reckoning here is painful in part-honestly really painful. It means you have something to miss, and leaving something is much easier when there's nothing to miss. But I take it as a reminder that I simply can't be underwhelmed with the beauty of this life. Everywhere I go I want to be. Everyone I love I want to keep. It's in this ebb and flow of what we're permitted to care for that we get to nod at Jesus a sweet "Thank you for letting me flow here. Thank you for pulling me back when you did. Let me now set my eyes on what and who are right in front of me. Help me to increasingly learn to create a space where others enjoy flowing into to."

If you're moving from one space to another, big or small, this is for you. We've all done it, and we'll all do it again. But I know I can do it much better than I did the last time, and so can you.