I feel like God stood me up

I'm looking around the room trying to make sure I don't look too much like a loser.

I'm embarrassed and it looks like there's an empty chair across from me. At least this is how I feel. Like I showed up to a first date, after doing my hair and getting giddy excited and then I got there and life forgot to show up. Or maybe worse, God did. I sit in my chair reeling through my brain for if I remembered the right time, the right restaurant, if I had done anything to mess this up, but all I can focus on is that the people next to me are starting to look at me with a pity look. An acquaintance across the room looks past me where I thought there'd be a wave. And I get up, take my bag, and walk out with the insecure disposition I was hoping to shake when someone showed up to meet me. Tell me you've been here. Tell me you've felt this way. Tell me I'm not the only one who has at least a moment in most days that has me thinking, where are you Emily? What are you doing? This is even easier with every great 20-something at our fingertips via social media. I know people always talk about the trap of comparison but y'all-it's a real thing. People are out here with couple vlogs, thousands of followers for being cute, fit guides, giveaways, huge behinds with oddly small hips, and sometimes the cyclone of what 'works' seems like there are so many ways to make it but you can't figure out one.

I just heard a story about a couple who were vlogging together, likely trying every great marketing strategy in the hopes that their next video would be the one that goes viral. So they tried a video prank and tested if a book could stop a bullet, and guess what. It can't. Now they don't get to make videos because the guy is dead and I pray to God that this is some internet scam story that didn't really happen, but let's be honest-

How often do we get blinded by what we wish we were that we end up shooting our dreams in the chest? Instead of giving them time to grow, or perfect our craft we make a rash decision that leaves us with less satisfaction than we began with. Or we don't experience success quickly enough so we bounce from new thing to new thing just hoping something will stick. I just picked back up Shauna Niequest's 'Present over Perfect' at the beach. It's taken longer to read than I planned but it's one of those books you have to pick up, bite, and chew on for a bit until you can come back. I'm finally in the homestretch and a couple pages both shocked me and settled this antsy dream-addicted heart of mine. She started a chapter off with:

''God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,' and to the rain shower, 'Be a mighty downpour.'

Job 37:5-6

He says to the snow, fall, to the rain, pour. And as Shauna points out, God is simply commanding the snow and the rain to do exactly what they do, snow and rain. As I sat on the edge of the water with it taking a running start for my toes, I thought, I've been changing the script on God. How many times have I wept and prayed, 'God show me what you want me to do, who you want me to be, where you want me to go'. I've spent countless hours pleading for God to fill in the blank, "Emily go _______." But in this small snippet, if I am the snow, it doesn't seem He wants all too much more than for me to be me. So instead of 'Emily, go, move, strive, try again, write, dance, mend, figure it out, look nicer, prepare better...' maybe he's just saying: 'Emily, just go Emily.' Do what you do. Now I know there are moments when God speaks us into clear direction with clear instruction. But I think you, if you're anything like me spend more time asking him the next step instead of hearing him when he tells you to be you. Because honestly, step by step instructions to the treasure map of life are much easier than digging into the already treasure and asking, Do I even know what 'doing me' looks like? Do I know myself well enough, or have I spent quality time discovering who I've been created to be? My response is, probably not. So here's to first being like the snow and snowing, or like the rain and raining, and then everything else.

Do you ever feel like you sat down for a date with life but he forgot to show up? Comment how you remind yourself are killing it one day at a time.