Using truth as your weapon
Feb. 2018
I was always taught that nightmares can’t hurt you because they aren’t real. Emily baby, that’s pretend, that can’t hurt you-But this logic crumbles underneath nightmares of what has already occurred. Because in fact, they are real, and they have hurt me, and the nightmare has now become not a messenger of coming hell, but a madly realistic ride into the unwanted past.Again and again, every night, reality beeping into my subconscious: “Keep all remaining limbs in the vehicle while the ride is moving” And we take off without consent of rider. That’s what life does, it doesn’t ask, it just goes... Yet, in consolation, I realized this tonight. This elementary understanding, I got it.Truth is a powerful weapon against the untrue. But what happens when the knife in your heart isn’t a dream, but it’s just as real as the verses of scripture you’ve been told to memorize along with corresponding hand motions. What then. I’ve been trying to claw my way out of the pit made by the “V” between truth and truth, because they are both true! What happens when I KNOW my God is good, just as I am acutely aware that this pain living inside of me wakes every morning to drag it’s nails along the walls of my hope, and spits its morning spat onto what I thought were securities. When the truth hurts. We’ve got to pray for more than new truth.We’ve got to pray for stronger truth. More powerful more lasting truth. More important truths. Deeper truths. Soul saving truths. We’re in the big leagues now. And like an excavator in the desert, I’ll find this truth. Because I don’t want to wait so I can just chalk up my healing to time and negligence. If I know myself at all, there will be no peace in saying, “it just hurts less now” because I waited long enough. NO. I will find truth that allows me to say, YES, right now, this hurts like Hell. Later, it will probably still sting, it will probably still try to make me believe that people don’t come through, that safe love doesn’t exist, that I’m not enough. But I’m done with the "truth" that says, "No honey just move on that’s ok." I’ve got to find the truth that says “Yes. That’s true, but look at this. This matters more, this impacts you more, this can not only revert that damage but can this here baby can redeem that damage. This builds atop a strong foundation that remains...this right here can save you every day if you need it to."That’s the truth I’m going to find.Jesus, that’s the truth you’ve gotta help me realize.
