For when God keeps telling you "Nope."

It's one of the most challenging seasons of my life so far, right now.

After a year of living my childhood dream, I came home to a reality that is nothing close to dreamlike: back at square one of job searching and planning next moves with little to no foundation after a year of volunteering.

I've received more "no"s in my inbox and what have felt like even more "no"s to my heart. At times it has been super difficult to see the why or the light in all this, or to even keep up the desire to seek out something meaningful as my next step.

At times it's been difficult to keep up the desire to seek out a "meaningful" next step.

And then today I was watching my dog (as you do often when working from home every day) and I felt like we could learn something from him.

You might have seen this before:

Human starts to make sandwich.

Dog comes by human and sits, with a longing look in his eyes.

Human ignores dog.

Dog then does a trick (lays down, pats human, something to say "look I'm so good! I deserve salami!)

And then I look down, shake my head and say, "No, it's not for you."

And in that moment I felt God say, listen to yourself sweetie.

It's not for you

I know this is a silly example, but standing there looking at my anxious whining dog, sadly reminded me of myself. And of how I have been begging God to give me things, that simply aren't for me.

I think a lot of us need this simple reminder when we feel like we've heard 100 nos. But I think if we break it apart there's more hope there than we feel.

First thing to remember:

Just because you can see it, doesn't mean it's for you.

This one is tough because-we can see EVERYTHING. Every cool, inspirational, unique thing anyone has ever done, we can see on the internet. And this unfortunately, instead of inspiring us fills us with anger against God when our lives don't unfold just as we have seen it. Everything you see is not for you, every opportunity is not for you. Even the one's you think fit. Even the one's a less qualified person got. Even the one's you wanted. Not everything is for you.

God isn't waiting for you to do better.

It's funny to me when my dog begs because he's smart. He doesn't just sit there. Instead, he does every trick he's ever been taught without being told to, because I guess he thinks he can earn a snack. But isn't that how we are? We try to sell manipulation as obedience and hustle when we want something in the hopes that God sees us and pats us on the head. That's not his character. He is not waiting for us to earn our way into our dreams. And He's certainly not going to reward us for perking up when it's only opportune for us (that's a whole 'nother post on obedience for latah).

But then the question is, how do we move forward? If that's not how.

You listen for the call.

Ecclesiastes 9:10 says, Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

Be diligent, grind it out. Pursue your work. Because that's what we are called to do. But the only time my doggy ever gets something from me is when? When I call him. Because that's when I have something for him.

I know from present experience this is easier said than done. But I end every day more hopeful when I spend it trying more to obey God, and less to convince him or manipulate him into my plans. That path will only take you so far until you realize you're the one holding it up.

Steven Furtick said something to the extent of, "I don't want to be a part of anything man-built because it will have to be man-maintained. But what God builds he maintains." And that's what I really want. More than my hopes for the future, I want a future built and maintained by God himself. Not by my performance, striving or manipulation.

So no, we aren't dogs. But the scriptures call us sheep. And if you're in a season where it feels like nothing is lining up, I get you. We will all be there at one time or another. But our behavior in the midst of the unknown is the litmus test of our faith, and more than a test is a chance for us to step into testimony and God-plans over a man-built life.

Keep you're chin up, we're gunna figure it out.